I.
As if he, too, could see the world,
just in front of us,
coming divided: those who step
routinely toward a dark that, mostly,
has seemed avoidable;
those who let them—
World from which,
if for no other reason, then
out of pity, I should
look away.
Out of decency.
I should try, or should seem to have tried, or to be about to.
II.
If I don’t go to him, if I do nothing, if he comes to me first,
and then I follow: does it count as trespass? Should it?
If he bends aside the lower branches—If I pass unmarked
beneath them—If I look away, as if toward something
difficult, bright, and departing always, like the parts of
memory that, very briefly, flare as what is remembered grows
more far; if I look away, and he does—if I could do that—
where does the damage go to, if damage figures here, if
no one sees it—no, if no one looks at it, if my stroking
his hair back also figures, gently, if I shall miss him, if I do already,
broad strokes, consolation, though there is nothing to console
him for, nothing, why cry out, if the mud washes easily, if
the bruise eventually undoes itself, if somewhere a kindness
still counts as anything, let it count as kindness, why ruin it
by saying otherwise, why even speak of it, why speak at all?
III.
Once, to ask
meant a small departure, and then
a larger one, shape of going—far,
away. As where the meadow led.
Red of switchgrass. A calf by the rope
toward slaughter.
Did that happen? Do you
wish it had? Why should the saints stand
apart from me, as if between us, suddenly,
they could see a difference? Questions fell
the way water did, off of—no,
away from your body as, sometimes,
I would still remember it: you
making of your hand now a fist,
now a dove where it finds my chest—has
found it—and after, settling. The descent
was easy. It always is. It always
has been. Think twice, or don’t. Given
the face of God in front of them, some
look away, others look once
and know a blindness
ever after. Will it have been worth it?
Was it? Wasn’t it? Is it only a wind,
Or my own voice, stuttering now
Against me? Bow down, inside
the shadows here, and know a peace that leaves
elsewhere all human understanding of what,
earlier, peace looked like, it seems
to say. No. I say so. Saying it, as if
into a wind. No. As if into the shadow-work
that is all, I think, the body will have
meant—each time keeps meaning: canopy,
leaves above me, something that
almost I can see around, though
not through, the leaves
muttering, where a wind lets them, where a wind
makes them, Come here, clipped bird,
spattered stag whose flank the shaft entered
easily—come here. And forget. And sleep.
Carl Phillips